Friday, July 13, 2007

Most of the Teen Titans declare war on drugs!

One day earlier this year I fired up my Zune (Don't judge me. I like my Zune) and listened to my regular crop of podcasts, I had only recently discovered the Comic Book Queers

I still was not sure I would keep it on my iTunes feed yet. This particular episode was called “Worst Comic Ever” Hilarious! Check it out here:

I love me some CBQ. Really funny and at the same time, witty and kind of poignant. I remember them talking about the Teen Titans drug awareness issue and I vaguely remembered the book. At the time I made a mental note to myself to look for it next time I ventured into Wonderland Comics. So flash forward to last week when I was working my Longbox of Love entry and while digging through Longbox number 2, look what I found:

I already owned this lil gem! Yay! So now that I hopefully have given due credit to CBQ for the idea, let’s take a closer look at this comic. The first three pages feature some glaring problems right from the get go. First of all there’s this:

Yes that’s right. This book was a collaboration between DC Comics, the Keebler Elves, and Nancy Reagan (who herself was known as the Dark Keebler Elf).
Second, something is wrong with this picture and I don’t mean Starfire’s cleavage is wrong:

Yes it’s the new leader of the Titans, The Protector! What happened to Robin? In comic terms he was probably off “training”. In reality, it all has to do with product endorsement contracts. As I remember, Nabisco had some sort of sponsorship deal with the Batman franchise and Robin could not be featured in something sponsored by Keebler. You know I never thought I would write a sentence dealing with the rivalries between cracker companies. Anyhow, no Robin. Instead we get the very closely modeled on Robin character, The Protector.

The story starts out with the Titans breaking up a drug ring and Raven working her mojo (she was Emo before Emo was hot) to show some drug pusher what it feels like to be stoned. As if he didnt already know. We get a look at what the world looks like when you are stoned:

Yes that’s right, Robin becomes The Protector and Donna Troy is a Skrull.

From there we get a tale of the Titans trying to make a dent in the city’s drug lord action while meetig a few kids who admit to some drug use. These kids are friggin hardcore. The scans make it hard to read but this kid is on more meds than Elton John. I mean seriously, the drug use is a little over the top:

And perhaps saddest of all, a young Chris Farley admits:

Of course anytime drugs come up, Speedy is always ready to jump in the pity party. This time he brings his massive body fat caliper.

Taken out of context, this panel seems to take the book in a whole nother direction:

It goes on and on like this:

The story is pretty basic. It does go into how drug can lead to violence. Especially ironic when your name is "The Protector":

Not suprisingly there is a hammy happy ending to this tale, just like in real life!

The fun really kicks in after the story ends and Mr. Keebler presents a sort of anti-drug activity book:

It features such ditty's as "Let's pretend your Crack Mamma could afford to buy you stuff":

And an examination of how Paris Hilton got that way. You can guess what she put at the top of her list(hint: it ain't SMART):

My favorite section is this series of roleplaying sessions for the kids to try out.

Let's do some together and see if the message has sunk in shall we?

So after a few hours of drug-awareness fun, you and I have, by now, earned our diploma. Wonder if Nan will present it to us personally?

So kids there is your reward for staying drug free

And if you're lucky you can score a hand job like Victor:


Anonymous said...

Aaaagh ha ha! Great job!

At a glance, you can tell the blonde girl is on drugs -- a headband and pearls? Just say no, honey.


Rick said...

Stay drug free - unless you want to be like Captain America and fight Nazis. Steve Rogers owed all his powers to drug use.